I heard the news on the phone from the lips of my husband. He told me that my 8 years old daughter heard it from our car stereo while they were going to the airport to pick up my parents. I was at work. And I don't know what to feel or say. I was numbed by the news. For the whole day I thought of her. I thought of what she did. I thought of the peaceful Edsa revolution in '86. And I thought of all grieving Filipinos in the Philippines and around the world. She's not my mother. She's not even related to me. She didn't even know me or that I even existed. But I know that she regarded me as her own. And she did something for me and for millions of Filipinos that no one else dared. She freed us from dictatorship. She's a woman of humility, simplicity and silence. But I've known her as the woman who stood for us, who fought for our sake and a woman who always use prayers as a shield instead of vengeance. And as mother to a nation, she did her very best to uplift the condition of each Filipinos. A woman who knew the real meaning of pains and sufferings. And how to use those to make a us stronger and better, as individuals and as a nation. 

I am grieving together with millions and millions of Filipinos who have loved her, who loves her and who will continue to love her. You will be missed not only by your family but the whole Philippine nation and all Filipinos around the world.

Thank you for standing beside us, thank you for fighting for us and now you have conquered and won. It is time for you to rest. I just pray that from time to time you'll look down upon us your children. We love you. We will miss you. And forever you will remain in our hearts.

"As I came to power peacefully, so shall I keep it. That is my contract with my people and my commitment to God... As president of all my people, I will not betray the cause of peace by which I came to power, yet, I will do whatever it takes to defend the integrity and freedom of my county... I hope that history will judge me as favorably as our people still regard me, because, as God is my witness, I honestly did the best I could, no more can be asked of any man... Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat at Paalam." --- Mrs. Corazon C. Aquino (1933-2009)

I turned 34 today. People tends to hide their age. Me? Nope! Proud of it. The more I aged, I know the more I learn about life and it's lessons. The more I gain wisdom. So why hide it... and plus, it doesn't show...

So... Happy birthday to me!!!

Even before, I always complain to my mom why she or my father didn’t thought of another name for me.

I hated my name when I was growing up. For one thing, people tend to forget it as soon as they heard it. Throughout my school years, most of my professors will ask me many times about my name before they can actually remember it. And it’s insulting in my part.

I’ve always been known as “the girl that directed some play, the girl who won in the declamation contest, the girl with the mole or the girl who wrote a poem about praying to God for the right man for her.” Being recognized for my work is not the problem for me; it’s my “name non-remembered” by people.

I always wished to have a normal name easily remembered by everybody like Marie, Anne, Angelina, Angel or some sort like that.  But unfortunately, my parents who thought that at that time I would be a boy decided to name me as “Romel” because my mother’s best friend’s son’s name is Romel.  It’s a great name really for the boys but not for a girl like me. I detested those era when ultrasound is not yet known and fully developed. So when I was born and I turned up to be a girl, I think it’s too late for them to think of another name, so they just added “a” at the end of “Romel” which made me “ROMELA,” for life.

Thank God there’s such a word as “nick-name.” They nick-named me as “MIMI,” it’s facile, simple and easily remembered.  I can live with that and I’ve been living with that throughout my life.

And then one day, Kiyoka, my Japanese friend told me what my name will sound or mean like if it’s written in Japanese writing. It means “rice.” And just few weeks ago, a colleague of mine named, Khalid, told me that in Arab my name mean “sand.” And each person told me how important those things were for them.

Rice and sand. Both composed of grains, unique and significant. Both essential in their own way and both indispensable.

Rice is the basic commodity of my own country. Being Asian, it is crucial for our lives. It is vital in every meal that is prepared in front of us. And it is a fundamental need that cannot be replaced for my fellow countrymen. We live because of rice.

Same as for the sand. In Arab countries, the sand makes them unique in the world; it is what made them famous and it became the identity of their country. Sand as it is, is the main component of concrete, glass production or prevents accidents for it serves to improve traction in icy or snowy conditions.

And all of those good qualities are found and remember because of their name which can be translated into, “Romela.” A simple, unique and indispensable name.

And suddenly I realize that I am not giving real credit to my name all throughout the years of my life. I thought about all the qualities that I had or have in me that make me equal to the name I represent. 

I am simple. – Just as the name I represent. I promote simple living, for in it, you will always find simple joys of life. No complications, no worries, no serious problems. Every day, I try to remember that in the simpleness of things, we can find greater beauty, comfort and peace.

I am unique. – People are unique in their own way, as I am unique in mine. I am a profound thinker. I live with wisdom and try every single day of my life to gain them. I am harmonious person and find joy and tranquility in quiet moments. That’s what makes me unique.

I am indispensable. – For my kids and my family, I am vital and indispensable. How I knew it, because they always tell me so. That what makes me important, those people who really knew me not only by my name, but also of who I really am when I am with them. That’s what matter most for me; the way my kids and my husband sees me and knew me.

Thinking about it, my name is not that bad after all. And it’s just a name. Now, I always tell myself, “It’s not the name that makes a person; it is what we do with our lives that what makes us who we are.”

Wishing that you'll have a Happy and Prosperous New Year!!!

I thought I heard it all! Until I heard these words, "who's your author?"

I never thought that motherhood was a competition until I heard two sisters (both mothers) teasing each other but in the edge of almost arguing on how to raise their kids, both questioning each other at the same time by saying, "who's your author?"

Have they heard of "mother's instinct?" Well, if they haven't heard of it, well, I should say that it is the best author I've ever known.

Each child is a unique individual that has their own phase. I hate people asking me, “If my son’s development is in the right course or has he acquired the milestones for his age?” For what? Just to compare notes on who is growing faster, much smarter or learning earlier? Duh! Who can say that a 12 month old child who is not yet walking is not developing right? Or who can say that a boy of 17 month old who is not yet talking is not developing right?

I bet that no author in his right mind would say that. Each individual even as a child has her own phase. Books are very helpful. They help us identify the milestones that can be achieved by our kids at a certain age, but it does not mean that if your child didn’t achieve that milestone at that certain age that he’s not growing right.

For me, it is still the mother or father who can assess if her or his son or daughter is developing right. It is the instinct is us as a parent. It is the best author that we can always depend on. As I said, books written by particular authors are helpful but it is not the basis on how to raise our kids or how our kids should develop. It is still us as mother, or as father or as parents who will assess, assist and be with them throughout each phase of their developing years.

"JOLOGS." Two of my friends from way back called me that.  At that time, I don't even know what the word meant. So I just smiled at them. So maybe I am 'cause I don't even know the meaning of that word. And then I found out what it meant.

Well, "jologs", as they said is a word use to describe as a person who is "not in," "pas à la mode," or in our national language "baduy."

My tastes are very simple. That is why all my friends say that I am a vision of simplicity. I am not too complicated when it comes to clothing, hair style, my personal accessories and life style. Because that is what I really am. And that is what I let them know.

I am not the type of person who brags about me in front of my friends. I would never dare to show them the expensive things that I bought just to prove to them that I am not a jologs. How dare me! It is just that I am simple and will always be simple in front of myself and in front of others. But if "jologs" is what they use to describe my simplicity then maybe I am one. I am a jologs.

And also, maybe they don't know me that well. I don't like most of the expensive things yes, but it doesn't mean that I don't buy them. Quality wise, it is best to buy them. Expensive clothing, shoes and accessories, are the best when it comes to quality for you can use them for couple of years yet still feel and look the same the first time you bought them. So it is not really that expensive since you'll be saving a couple years before you buy another one. That's practical.

I don't hang out in the most expensive places like them but they have never been to the places I have seen. They have never tasted the things that I tasted. And they have never lived the fine things in life that I experienced. So who are they to judge me?

But if I am like that in front of their eyes then I don't care. 'Cause I wouldn't want to be somebody else that I am not just to fit in.

NEW JOB- Well as I have written here, after 7 long years, I started to work again last May 31. Yup, need to work on week ends but that is not a problem for me. Although I'm missing my kids a lot on these days. Luckily, my daughter don't have school on wednesdays and my son can stay with me on the same day. So we just spend one whole day with each other. As far as I'm concerned I'm happy with what I am doing. Although some people might say that it is far from a real-called-profession. I don't care, as long as I am happy with what I am doing. It is much better than no job.

NO JOB - Well, my father decided to file his resignation letter for he can't take it anymore. Well, he is working in a hotel and working there as the lounger. I know how hard he works there 'cause at the end of the day you can't even talk to him because he's really really tired. At the age of 60, I say it's about time. Although because of what he did, he won't be getting any retirement benefits. So he was thinking of his future. No job, no money. But of course, he can't eat his pride, he already gave his resignation letter and his last day will be on August 31 and as a man he can't take it back. He express his worries to me because we share with the credit for the appartement that we bought. And he told me how sorry he was for giving us the burden of paying it all. And I assure him that he don't need to say sorry for it's about time that he stop working and enjoy the fruits of his labor. A,d that he don't need to worry for my husband got a double job.

DOUBLE JOB - God is really good to our family. If He gives us a problem just to test our faith in Him, He will also gives us options afterwards to help us find some solutions. Well, as I've said my father resigned so we are let with all the bills to pay but I'm happy that he did it for he needs to start enjoying his life after serving and helping us his kids. So my husband and I talked over all the options that we had in order to solve the problem at hand. Well, we decided that one of us needs to have a double job. And of course, he instantly decided that it will be him for he said that he is the man and it's his responsibility to make the life of family better. So he's working on a franco-japonais restaurant so all he needs to do is find anothe one. Then a call came last monday, asking him if he could come and talk with the chef of the cuisine there on the same day but in the afternoon for he submitted his resumé last january and kept it on file in case that they'll be needing someone to work there. And so to make the story short, he went there, he was interviewed, he was oriented on the same day, he signed all the papers, he was given a key for his locker, he was given his uniform and he will be the new demi chef de partie of Westin Plaza Hotel and he'll be starting on Monday. God is really good. I we loose a job, a new one will come and sometimes He'll make it double.

I haven't been handling my anger well lately. I'm like a bomb ready to explode anytime. And I don't like what I'm seeing.

What's my problem? I don't know? Maybe it's boredom. Maybe it's low self-esteem, insecurities and the likes. Maybe it's the feeling of being useless career wise. Maybe it has to do with the routine of everyday life being a housewife. Maybe it’s the feeling of being alone. Maybe, it’s the feeling of being abandoned by a friend. Maybe it’s caused by a BIG responsibility called “brother”. Maybe well, just maybe, it's PMS. Well, I really don't know. What I know is this. I am angry and I need to deal with it immediately.

Before, as I have written many times, I love long walks. Long walks in the city of Paris, long walks beside the lake or river or sea, long walks in the park, long walks in the forest. And that will calm me. It will always help me through all of the anger bubbling inside me, waiting to burst. And after that I am OK. Long walks help me think and re-think what happened and what I can or will do about a certain situations.

I am a serene person. I seldom get angry (with the exception of my brother who thinks he is still my responsibility at his ripe age of 31 or should I say his old age of 31.) Well, in my younger years I can be physical when I am mad. But as I grew up I learned self control. And I was doing it for more than 14 years now.

If you did something bad to me like bad mouth me in front of everybody or talk about me with others behind my back, you will never see me react. I can deal with my anger in a matter that I will not hurt the other person. But of course, don’t expect me to talk to that person for a long time. That is just how I deal with it. It might not be healthy. But that is how I calm myself by being silent. That is why it is very important for me that after a bad thing that happened or a quarrel between me and my husband, I’ll take long walks. No matter where, no matter what time.

What are the situations that prompt me to take long walks? Well here are a couple of them.

Situation 1: My dad wanted to let my mother control our (me and my husband’s) finances even if we’re already married. Not a good idea for me even if I know that they are just concern for our future but we have our own lives now and we’re building a new family of our own. Took a 5 hours walk near the “rive gauche” of Paris and didn’t talk to him for two weeks even if we’re seeing each other every day. After that two weeks, I did talked to him explaining my point that although he is a traditional father I understand his concern and that I love and respect his decisions but "our decision"  is not the same as theirs. And that’s it. We already have an understanding.

Situation 2: A friend of mine from way back told a common friend that I am getting in between her and her bf (or someone courting her at that time.) Thinking that I was just jealous. Sorry, but I wasn’t. Remember I was the one who got away. What I did about it? I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even defend myself. I took a long walk from my town until the next town and return home the same way.  Yes, that’s right “à pied.” Anger dissolves right there and then.

But long walks will not do this time. It’s time to bring out my bike. Yesterday, I was so angry again with my brother that I suddenly have this urged to just hit him physically. Just an urged, but hey, who’s being childish here? And I know that I don’t have the right to do that. He’s old but I am mature. So I took out my bike from the garage and ride it all the way to “parc Noisiel.”

The sky is gloomy yet the smell of grass seeping the mist of night is so wonderful and calmingly serene. Rabbits had their share of those little green grasses and running away as I approach wondering who have come ruining their breakfast. Birds chirping as I enter the forest as the snails sneakily stay on the side of the road fearing that I will squash them. I have a little fox for a company but barely looked at me as it hides to find its mother. A lost cat took refuge behind the bushes thinking that I am one of those kids who came to gather plants, insects and the not so poisonous mushrooms. Mosquitos roaming on my way as I rode my bike taking their chances to sip my blood or be crushed. Frogs leaping from a lily pad to another singing their croaks in order to allure female frogs to make love to them. Trees blocking the remaining of the sunlight that hides behind the clouds towering above me like giants. As their leaves entice me to leave all my worries behind. And the sound of running stream replaces the sounds of my angry heart. Go on with the flow of nature and let the anger pedal your bike as it drift quietly away from your body like the perspiration evaporating.

And it worked. I went home tired but I had a well rested heart without anger.

All of us will travel the road of our firsts. First love, first kiss, first day at school, first travel, and first this, first that. And for me, it's my first ever formal interview. After 12 years of my working life, today, I had my first formal interview in an establishment. Thinking about all my previous work, I just realized that I didn't had any formal interview.

Let's see the first job that I had had 2 function HRD/PA. I'm working for a newly opened (not really open yet, it's still an ongoing progress) company at that time, which was built by a co-RTRMS Makati Medical Student whose way ahead of me. And she hired me without the interview because first I already know her, not that close though, but I knew who she was and I am fellow RTR grad. So she gave me the responsibility to do the interview plus to do the personnal assistant things also like calling possible investors and meet with them. Explaining to them our goal of expanding first nationwide and then beyond. Plan the schedule for the company which caters to clients for their physical well being. Contact client and organize their appointments. Device a promotional technique to attract possible and future clients. I work 24/24h, 7/7j. So what does the boss do, well she goes shopping while I run the company. After 6 months I had enough. I need to quit and be the one to go shopping.

Second, as a company nurse. No interview necessary just fill up the application form and answer 4 sets of psycological test and at the end of it, I was hired. En fait, HRD personnel already knew who I was before I applied for the job. She's a friend of the mother of my boyfriend at that time (now my mother-in-law but who already died few years ago). But mind you, I didn't know at that time that my m.i.l asked a favor. I read in a paper that they're hiring and applied. Hey, they got the best of me so don't say that I got the job just because of "padrino system."

Third was a work at school were I came from. Well, it was one afternoon, with my friend, and she needs to talk to the principal of that school at that time because my friend is working as a parish worker which is basically working hand in hand with that particiular school also. And this amazing principal was talking to us and discovered that I can't find a sense of fulfillment in my present work and I'm looking forward to a new one and the fact that at that time I'm taking a masteral in general psychology and early chilhood development. So after that she hired me for the position wearing a sneaker, jeans and t-shirt and by the way that position was first offered to my friend who's with me at that time. But of course, she didn't want it anyway so might as well find someone who's capable of doing the job. I hope I did a good job.

After three years and a half working as a pre-school teacher another offer that I can not resist. Work abroad. So my next interview was a phone interview. Then you have to send by fax all your credentials translated in french. And so I became an assistant maternelle. Organizing, planning activities, teaching kids with special needs. Not autistic but not also normal. Sort of in between the two. It was a short experience though but I learned to humble myself through it but sad to say before I do that to other kids I should prioritize my child first.

So I began flapping my wings again to be a housewife and full time mom. Of course no interview needed for that position.

After years of being a full time housewife and mom. I needed diversion. A routine life for me is perfect provided that my neurons are still working and absorbing information. But I can not spend hours anymore doing all these without new knowledge to absorb. So I applied for a part time job at Disneyland parc as a hotesse d'accueil/receptionniste. But only for 25 hours per week so that I also have time for my kids.

And today, as I mention awhile earlier was my first formal interview in french. I got there just in time so that made me really nervous, of course which is normal reaction to the unknown. I am used to being on a specific appointment 15-30 minutes before the given time. But this time, I just got there in time. I started to panic 'cause I don't have much time to prepare myself. Mentaly I mean. Physically, hmmm... I may be fat but I know how to handle myself well. So no problem about that. Luckily, just like the others who are applying for different position, they needed to wait and to be oriented on the company that we'll be representing if in case we'll be hired.  But you see one benefit of having to wait is being able to calm the nerves which by the way are edgy on these kind of situations. Good thing I wasn't able to drink coffee or had something to eat for breakfast ('cause I also needed to prepare my daughter for the museum today, so I don't have time to do that) for if not I would be hyper tense because of the effect of coffee on me. Maybe they'll think that I had a seizure or something.  

I passed my first formal interview with flying colors. But sadly I can not accept the job for they wanted me to work full time. But at least, I got the experience of really presenting myself and what's my worth.

And so I left that place with a smile on my face, head held up high and a frown on my interviewer's.

By the way, I had a second call from the same company, meaning, I will have another interview and maybe I'll be working with them starting My 31.